Life

Aug 29 2016

What my 75 year old uber driver taught me

It was early and I was tired. Running late for a flight I really couldn’t miss.

Barry, my Uber driver, was running late too.

My two suitcases and briefcase were sitting on my front porch and the sun was just beginning its journey to the sky as Barry pulled into my driveway.

Out from the car comes an elderly man complete with a pressed button down shirt firmly tucked into his kakis secured by a brown leather belt and New Balance sneakers.

“Great. I’m definitely going to miss my flight now.”

Sensing my urgency as I put my bags in his trunk and hopped in the front seat, Barry said, “I’m sensing time isn’t our friend right now, am I right?” I said yes. “Well let’s get going then, shall we?”

As conversation flowed and my occasional “back seat driver” directions slipped out, I learned a lot about this man.

He was a Tennessee native and lives in the same house his daddy bought his 50 years ago. He was a solider in the Vietnam War. He was a retired VP of finance for a chain of hospitals and spent the majority of his life in the health car industry.

I shared with him I was from a small town in central Illinois and explained my job in email marketing. I was impressed he knew and understood what a blogger was and didn’t blink twice when I told him I want to be a full time blogger one day. Appreciating this silent vote of confidence from a man I just met, he said, “You have to have something to say. Something real to say. Something people want and need to hear. That’s how you become successful.”

He’s right. This simple statement caused me to reflect on what do I have to say? What impact does my voice make?

Then the conversation turned to a place where conversations are typically advised not to go.

Politics and the state of our world.

We talked about the dissemination of the Republic party. We talked about the core value shift of our country and how technology has changed the way we communicate. And of course, the millennial generation.

“How do you feel about the changes my generation is making in the world?” I asked.

“It’s not about how I feel about it. It’s not even about how you feel about it. The world cares too much about feelings. It’s about accepting that this is the world we live in. Things are changing. They always have. But finally, after centuries of time, we are all becoming one people.”

I was really taken aback by that. One people? But we are all at war with each other? We worry about being politically correct and fair. We care about rights and respect more than ever. We go to war over bathroom signs. How are we one people?

He continued, “We are finally beginning to see each other. Different races, different religions, different beliefs, different cultures. It’s taken time and it will take more. But the internationalization of the world has deeply impacted the way we think, behave, and make decisions.”

I agreed. I agreed without even realizing I agreed.

Barry then said this, “The fact that you are a twenty-something female that can hop on a flight and be across the country in a few hours has changed the world. The ability to travel has changed the world. Every time you visit a new place or experience a new culture, it changes you. Let it. The more you see and understand the world, the more we begin to accept each other.”

Wow.

Our banter continued as we discussed the changes in health care and American culture as a whole, going back and forth with our thoughts and opinions. Pulling up to the departure terminal, he pulled to the side and got out to pop the trunk. As I grabbed my bags, he stopped and turned towards me.

Out stretched his hand for me to shake. “Thank you for talking with me. I know it probably wasn’t like your normal Uber rides. But I’m glad we met.”

“Me too, Barry. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.”

He smiles and walked towards the car, waving goodbye. I waved and walked inside.

Walking through the airport, Barry’s words sunk in. He was right.

Travel has changed the world. It effects you. It chips away at your prejudices and harsh opinions towards others. Especially international travel. Experiencing new cultures and how people live their daily lives really can change you.

And over time, you realize that we are all the same. We all struggle. We all fight wars. Wars between nations and wars within ourselves. We all love. We all have dreams.

The world is changing. And I’m proud to be apart of a generation that is disrupting the workplace and changing laws.

With these changes though, comes negativity. We can choose to join in, or we can choose to be the light. Be the light this world needs. The more of this world I see, the more I choose to be a light.

And the more I feel at peace with the work God is doing in my life and the world around me.

Jun 09 2016

Follow Your Own Path

There is a difference between doing what you want and doing what’s expected of you.

When there is pressure applied to anything, the two natural options are to either push back or move with the pressure.

I tend to push back.

There have been times in my life, like I’m sure there have been for you, when people wanted me to do/go/be something. And I would find myself doing the opposite.

It wasn’t out of spite or pride, but simply because it wasn’t what I wanted to do. Though, there have been times where I found myself going towards the path of other’s and giving into the pressure. Afterwards, I usually end up with a headache and a tinge of regret.

This stems from my natural tendency to refrain from disappointing the people I care about. Can you relate?

I believe our society has put limits on our journey. Our world tells us when we should get married, have children, buy a house, be promoted, and at what age we should be “successful”. Not to mention when to start saving money for retirement and your 401k.

Now, as my friends get married and settled down, I’m beginning to feel that social pressure asking me, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

My answer – I don’t know. And I don’t want to.

This past year of discovery has led me to let the future remain ambiguous, embracing life in the present. In fact, I love the present so much, I think I’ll stay here forever. Unwrapping its daily gifts of intention and opportunity.

Don’t confuse living in the preset with not having goals or vision for your life. Because goals and vision are why you’re here. To leave your mark and be a light to the world through your gifts and talents.

But – when you feel pressured to fall in line and follow this perfectly timed out path for life, you will feel regret. Regret for the “what ifs” and regret for not trusting in God’s timing.

And maybe even worse, regret for making the wrong decision by marrying the wrong person because you felt rushed into it.

Don’t push yourself to be something you’re not. And that includes ignoring all the people along the way that ask you intrusive questions like, “Why aren’t you married yet?” and “What is it you actually do again?”

You do not have to justify your path to anyone. If you are 28, single, and loving your job that pays the rent and you’re happy, then do it. And don’t be ashamed of that.

As long as your believe in your vision and you feel like that path you’re on just might lead you to beautiful and new opportunities, stay on it.

Let’s make life just a bit easier for ourselves and stop comparing our journeys to the journey of others. My path will not be your path, just like your path will not be mine. And they shouldn’t be.

It takes courage and determination to take the first step in following your own path. One that you choose the direction of. One that you are the sole decision maker.

Follow your path like it’s your own – because it is. Not any one else’s. Make the journey worthwhile and drown out those societal voices filled with pressure and expectations.

This is your path. Live it.

Photography | Blue Genes Photography

May 26 2016

Why I Quit My Business

The moment you try to monetize your creativity, is the moment you risk losing your passion for that creative path.

Let me unpack this.

A few years ago, when I had just turned 20, a business idea came to me that combined my passions for helping women and fashion into one solid creative outlet. Women of all ages seemed to seek me out for style advice and I loved the thrill it gave me to make someone feel beautiful and important.

That’s how my first business, A T avenue, was born. The timeframe from the idea, to my first trunk show selling boutique clothing, was less than a month.

I borrowed $2,000 from my grandma and started hustling my way into the fashion world.

Very quickly my creative levels flew through the roof. Curating unique, fresh styles to bring to my area was one of my favorite aspects of my business.

How would my styles make my clients feel? What would happen if they didn’t sell? How should I photograph/style my products?

Since I was in college at the time, I didn’t have the finances or the stability to invest in a brick and mortar store. So I hosted trunk shows in women’s homes instead. I hosted 65 trunk shows my first year all around the Midwest.

While fun, it was exhausting.

I thought to myself, “There has to be a better way to do this. I can’t scale my business as just one person hosting these style parties.” So I transitioned A T avenue into an online business.

When my digital media company built my website, on a whim, I asked them to build me a blog too.

This is when my journey shifted.

I’ve never been extremely transparent about the real reason I quit A T avenue out of fear of seeming ungrateful for all those who made it a success. But at the end of the day, when I was tagging inventory late at night or driving home after a 1 hour fashion show that took months to plan, I was a little bitter. I came to the realization: I didn’t want to sell clothing, I wanted to write. I wanted market. I wanted to be a digital marketeer.

I began to resent my business. I began to resent my entrepreneurial spirit. I had truly lost my passion for the boutique business industry. I fell out of love with this creative path. It didn’t feel worth it anymore. And your dreams should always feel worth it.

That’s the truth. And when truth stares you in the eye, telling you to quit. You listen.

So I quit. And it made me feel like a failure. And I questioned my ability to run a business. And I had to face the people who supported and encouraged me for almost three years and tell them I was done.

But was I really “done”? Absolutely not.

I was just getting started.

I found my true passion: writing. Blogging and online marketing seemed to come so natural for me. I love storytelling and helping people tell their stories. But I honestly wouldn’t have discovered this without taking the risk and starting my clothing company.

Quitting A T avenue hard, but it was worth it. Because here’s the reality, I didn’t eat, sleep, breathe A T avenue. It was an incredible way to motivate women and my peers, giving me opportunities to speak and share the entrepreneurial spirit with the world. It was the best form of college I could’ve given myself. It was the vehicle that got me to my next destination: digital marketing and blogging. And I couldn’t be more thankful for this.

The truth is, I had to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice what it took for A T avenue to be successful. It would have been a disservice to my clients to keep going in this direction.

Here’s what I learned from this:

You may start off on an entrepreneurial journey thinking you’re headed in one direction, only to take several sharp turns in different directions. That’s okay! Because it’s your journey. Be true to it. Let your passions lead you where they may.

If you start a business, make sure it’s something that you can talk about, dream about, and sacrifice for all day long. Every single day.

The moment you try to monetize your creativity, is the moment you risk losing your passion for that creative path only to see another path was meant for you all along.

The risk can be worth it. But if it’s not, be bold enough to let that creative path go when it know longer serves your greater purpose.

Another path might just be waiting for you on the other end of that journey you’re on right now. One greater than you ever could’ve imaged.

{Photography | Jamie Vess Photography}

Apr 28 2016

You are not an island

A few years ago, I took a trip to a small 12-mile island off the coast of Venezuela named Tobago with my boyfriend and his family.

This was my first time leaving the United States and I remember the anticipation that lived inside me as I prepared for this trip.

I had never experienced different cultures, tropical rainforests, or the remote emotions of being so far away from home.

We stayed in a small bungalow in a fishing village named Castara Bay. During our stay we snorkeled, went deep-sea fishing with the locals, and ate interesting food. One day, we borrowed a teal 8-passenger van from a local and circumnavigated the entire island without a map or a destination in mind.

I remember feeling filled with wonder at the untouched beauty of the rainforest, the bright flowers, and the captivating view of the dark ocean crashing against the deep cliff walls of the island.

Most of all, I remember feeling a sense of loneliness attached to this little oasis far from civilization. I was confronted with the reality of the resources Tobago lacked and the opportunities the Tobagans would never have on this island.

Sometimes, I feel like this island. Castaway from the energy of my surroundings, lost in a sea of unmet potential and secluded doubt. Feeling the overwhelming realization of the resources I lack and the opportunities I might never have the chance to receive.

Career paths, relationships, health, life goals – how can we succeed at any of them if we separate ourselves from the living and pressure ourselves to figure it all out for ourselves?

There’s an African Proverb that has found its way into my life a lot lately, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to far, go together.”

This applies to every aspect of our lives. Yes you could potentially accomplish everything on your weekly, monthly, yearly to-do list all by yourself. And if you take this route, I applaud your perseverance. But it’s likely you will experience extreme burnout and discouragement in the process. That burnout may fester within the confines of your spirit, keeping you from the depths of your true creativity.

You don’t have to do it all alone. Don’t make a martyr of your work and life. Why sacrifice your happiness for the stubbornness of singularity? There is nothing noble about accomplishing everything on your own if you lose your love for the craft in the process.

Here’s why: we were created to help, connect, share, live, love, suffer, and experience life together.

The sooner you reach the realization that you need the people around you to help you, the sooner you can accomplish all those dreams that live within you.

Apr 07 2016

Now you’re just some body that I used to know.

We used to do everything together. I couldn’t make a big decision without getting your opinion first.

Not only were you my best friend, but you were my confidant. I told you my secrets and you shared yours. I could trust you.

We traveled together. We challenged each other. We did life together. Then life happened.

I’m not sure how it ended. Or when we stopped talking. Or when the days became weeks that turned into months.

After a while, it would’ve been weird to talk again. Awkward. Forced. It’s been too long, you’ve missed big life events for me and I you.

I tried to call. Facetime. We’d Snapchat and then that stopped, too.

At first I felt bad. Then somehow that guilt turned into acceptance.

Just like that, we settled into only liking each other’s pictures on Facebook.

If I ran into you, we would hug and say how much we missed each other. Saying we should get together. Throwing around dates and plans like they would happen. Knowing they wouldn’t. Being okay with it.

Even though I miss you. Even though I wish you well.

Honestly – now you’re just some body that I used to know.

[line]

How often have you been confronted with the story above? Maybe you can’t relate to all of it, but definitely elements of it hit home with you. This happens all the time.

Being in Nashville for almost a year now, I’ve met, lost, and transitioned friends in a big way.

At first it really bothered me. I even lost a few salty tears over it.

Why couldn’t I stay friends with every single cool, relatable, down to earth person I’ve ever met? Why did friends drop off the face of the earth, was it something I did? Why does my friend circle grow and shrink, then grow, and then shrink again!?

Answer: it’s life.

People come and go. They have significant roles during significant seasons of your life, and then sometimes you grow apart. You move away or you transition into a different friend group. Or you simply just don’t have time to keep up with every single human that you like to spend time with. Or better yet, you stop having things in common.

I used to feel guilty about this. I would jam pack my schedule trying to keep up with everyone. It, like most forced things, got exhausting after a while.

There comes a time when you have to stop trying to keep up with everyone and focus on yourself. Take time to analyze what you need and what people are best for you to be around.

I’ve had to make some difficult decisions about whom I spent my time with and whom I didn’t. You should too.

Do the people around you challenge you to be a better person? Do they call you on your crap?

Do they lift you up and support you or question everything you do, making you feel extremely self-conscious about your existence?

Do they treat you with respect and know that your life is not theirs and vice versa?

You aren’t meant to connect with every single person on a deep-best friend level. It’s okay to say goodbye to the toxic people in your life and it’s also okay to say goodbye to people that you just don’t click with.

And by goodbye, I mean don’t spend as much time with them. I don’t mean pinky promise to never see them again. Friendships fade in and out. It happens. Let it happen.

Give yourself permission to be selective and intentional about who you spend your time with. 10 times out of 10, you’ll be a happier you.