We used to do everything together. I couldn’t make a big decision without getting your opinion first.
Not only were you my best friend, but you were my confidant. I told you my secrets and you shared yours. I could trust you.
We traveled together. We challenged each other. We did life together. Then life happened.
I’m not sure how it ended. Or when we stopped talking. Or when the days became weeks that turned into months.
After a while, it would’ve been weird to talk again. Awkward. Forced. It’s been too long, you’ve missed big life events for me and I you.
I tried to call. Facetime. We’d Snapchat and then that stopped, too.
At first I felt bad. Then somehow that guilt turned into acceptance.
Just like that, we settled into only liking each other’s pictures on Facebook.
If I ran into you, we would hug and say how much we missed each other. Saying we should get together. Throwing around dates and plans like they would happen. Knowing they wouldn’t. Being okay with it.
Even though I miss you. Even though I wish you well.
Honestly – now you’re just some body that I used to know.
How often have you been confronted with the story above? Maybe you can’t relate to all of it, but definitely elements of it hit home with you. This happens all the time.
Being in Nashville for almost a year now, I’ve met, lost, and transitioned friends in a big way.
At first it really bothered me. I even lost a few salty tears over it.
Why couldn’t I stay friends with every single cool, relatable, down to earth person I’ve ever met? Why did friends drop off the face of the earth, was it something I did? Why does my friend circle grow and shrink, then grow, and then shrink again!?
Answer: it’s life.
People come and go. They have significant roles during significant seasons of your life, and then sometimes you grow apart. You move away or you transition into a different friend group. Or you simply just don’t have time to keep up with every single human that you like to spend time with. Or better yet, you stop having things in common.
I used to feel guilty about this. I would jam pack my schedule trying to keep up with everyone. It, like most forced things, got exhausting after a while.
There comes a time when you have to stop trying to keep up with everyone and focus on yourself. Take time to analyze what you need and what people are best for you to be around.
I’ve had to make some difficult decisions about whom I spent my time with and whom I didn’t. You should too.
Do the people around you challenge you to be a better person? Do they call you on your crap?
Do they lift you up and support you or question everything you do, making you feel extremely self-conscious about your existence?
Do they treat you with respect and know that your life is not theirs and vice versa?
You aren’t meant to connect with every single person on a deep-best friend level. It’s okay to say goodbye to the toxic people in your life and it’s also okay to say goodbye to people that you just don’t click with.
And by goodbye, I mean don’t spend as much time with them. I don’t mean pinky promise to never see them again. Friendships fade in and out. It happens. Let it happen.
Give yourself permission to be selective and intentional about who you spend your time with. 10 times out of 10, you’ll be a happier you.